Good morning friday!
It's another encore joke today!
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued.
"Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps certain people out of medical school."
Pleasant friday everyone!
Regards from your wisest most talented and witty leader,
Felix
Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Friday Fever 83
Good morning friday!
Here's a list of new definitions:
Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.
Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Criminal :
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Dictionary :
A place where success comes before work.
Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Etc. :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Tattoo:
Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
Traffic Light:
An apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
Pleasant friday everyone!
Regards from your wisest most talented and witty leader,
Felix
Here's a list of new definitions:
Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.
Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Criminal :
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Dictionary :
A place where success comes before work.
Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Etc. :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Tattoo:
Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...
Traffic Light:
An apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
Pleasant friday everyone!
Regards from your wisest most talented and witty leader,
Felix
Friday, March 11, 2011
Friday Fever 82
Good morning friday!
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.
"If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."
"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"
"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant.
As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"
"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But, I did send them."
"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.
"Yes. That's how we won the case."
"I don't understand," said the lawyer.
"It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."
Pleasant friday everyone!
Regards from your wisest most talented and hardworking leader,
Felix
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.
"If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."
"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"
"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant.
As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"
"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But, I did send them."
"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.
"Yes. That's how we won the case."
"I don't understand," said the lawyer.
"It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."
Pleasant friday everyone!
Regards from your wisest most talented and hardworking leader,
Felix
Friday, March 4, 2011
Friday Fever 81
Good afternoon friday!
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together! Together! Together!"
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I am not dumb.
And I also know I am not blond.
Pleasant friday everyone!
Regards from your wisest most talented and amazing leader,
Felix
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together! Together! Together!"
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I am not dumb.
And I also know I am not blond.
Pleasant friday everyone!
Regards from your wisest most talented and amazing leader,
Felix